Carly Payne

THESIS GOING DOWN

2009-05-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

Despite what my facebook page says, "Don't ever, ever, ever, ever ask me about my thesis," I have been so grateful to all the friends and family who have taken their lives in their hands to ask me about this project. Without them, I know I wouldn't have gotten as far as God has brought me in this process. So thanks again to all you who ignored my warnings, and persisted in asking. This blog is dedicated to you.

Today, I ran across a journal entry I wrote way back in October when I was really just beginning to make an effort with the thesis. At the end of it, I wrote a prayer. Today, I got to spend some time in joyful worship as I read that prayer, and reflected on how God has and is continuing to answer it.

Impulse vs. Steadfast Faith

"But you, beloved, build yourselves up in your most holy faith." Jude 20

To design and construct a building takes patient reflection. Measurements must be calculated with exact precision. Types of materials must be weighed and considered. The wise and careful spending of resources must be managed with careful forethought and insight. A well constructed building can not be built by impulse, or the project will implode on itself. When the builder receives the design and measurements from the architect, he shows his trust in the designers skill by building according to the blueprints and other instructions. He is bringing the architect's design to life, and must have confidence in the designer's abilities. He willingly submits his actions and desires to the architect's will, and the builder carries that will out.

This picture of "building" defies living life by one's impulse. Daily, I must submit myself to the designer's will, and trust in the resources He has chosen and given me. He has given us a blueprint, and while we have yet to see the finished product, we trust in the Creator's previous work which is firmly established and we trust in His vision and authority. We build on the faith God has given and sustains in us. Unlike our natural impulse, the faith of the Holy Spirit has perfect insight and build with a purpose that was in existence before the earth was made. Impulse lives in the moment and lives to please one's fickle desires. Faith lives in the context of eternity and the God of that eternity.

I see so many areas in my inner and outer life that are governed by impulses which in turn come out of personal fears. This thesis has been impacted hugely by my fear driven impulses. Help me to write this thesis in and by faith in You; not by my fickle impulses. And may I learn a holy perseverance in writing this thesis that carries over into all other areas of my inner and outer life. Write this thesis to help people understand and believe what God says; not what your ever changing impulses say. May my impulses be transformed into Christ's perseverance in faith, and may the thesis be one of your tools to accomplish this in others lives.

Potato For President

2009-04-20T22:02:00.001-07:00

This blog is quickly turning into a "sister brag" fest, but how can I resist when each day presents me with so much great material. Bizzie had to write a book for her "Young Authors Day" at school, and this is what that busy little mind produced. Think a little Spongebob and vegetarianism mixed in with politics. Let me also preface this by saying this story in no way reflects my actual political beliefs, or endorses one particular political party :) Enjoy the following:

Potato For President

by Bizzie

Pete the potato is a fry cook at Crispy Cone Restaurant in Idaho. Pete is a good cook and he loves his family. His wife is named Christy and their two kids are named Tater and Tot!

Pete loves his job, but he thinks he can do something better. Pete wants to run for President to make the world better for potatoes and all starches.

Pete thinks he would be a great President for the country. Pete is honest and he works very hard. He thinks the citizens would be proud for him to be the right spud for the job.

Pete is right! The citizens do want him to run for President. Soon Pete is in the campaign for President as the leader for the Starch Party, and he meets the other vegetable running against him- Broccoli Obama.

Broccoli Obama is a member of the Veggie Party. Just like Pete, Broccoli Obama believes that he would be the best President, and that he is honest and would take care of the country. Pete thinks Broccoli is pretty good, but he prefers potatoes instead of vegetables.

Soon it was time to pick running mates for Vice President. Pete picked a good stalk of corn from Iowa named Connie Cobb because he thought she had good ears and listened well! Broccoli chose a strawberry from California named Berry Sweet. The Starch Party and the Veggie Party were ready to meet their fellow people and convince them to vote.

Pete's campaign slogan got every one's attention: "THIS SPUD'S FOR YOU!!" Pete and Connie visited people all across the country telling them about how they would be the best President and Vice President in the world! Lots of people came to hear them speak. Apparently Starch was very popular all across the country! Everyone loved potatoes!

But many others prefer Veggies and Fruits, and Broccoli Obama and Berry Sweet had many fans too. The competition for the presidency was very close.

Every day Pete and Broccoli gave speeches and talks and met lots of people. They were on TV and there were many articles about them in the newspapers. The main thing everyone talked about was the race between Starches and Veggies. Which food group was the most popular? What did the people prefer?

Finally, it was Election Day. Pete and Connie were very nervous but proud of their campaign. They felt pretty confident that the people would agree. They were right! At the end of the journey, the people made their vote. The final count was: Starch got 2,000,000 and Veggies got 1,999,999. Pete won by just one vote and was the winner. The Potato was chosen for President. Broccoli Obama was fried.

On the big day, Pete, Christy, and the kids, Tater and Tot, moved into the President's mansion so that Pete could begin his new job as President. President Pete was the most Famous Potato from Idaho.

Sisters

2009-04-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

My job is to be a sister. To say the least, I have one of the most fabulous jobs in the world. It demeans it to refer to it as work. It's not a job, it's just life.

First, there's Katie. Twelve (if you read this, she'll want you to know that 13 is JUST around the corner) going on thirty. With that gorgeous smile and dimples, she makes the big sister come out in me as I find myself wanting to hide her away from those little horrors known as junior high boys. You can't imagine the sigh of relief that came out of me when she announced one day "I think I just want to be single for awhile." Of course right after the sigh of relief, I thought to myself "Wait a second. That's the kind of stuff my mid-twenties friends and I say! What in the world?!" There is a depth to this girl that I love. There is a budding writer there, and I look forward to the day where I can say in my little old lady voice, "I picked her up from school..." Empathy and compassion make that smile even more beautiful. She feels deeply (a quality every good writer must have) and she is the rock that her friends depend on. I can't count the number of times I have proudly watched her negotiate those tricky teenage friendships with integrity and wisdom. Now just indulge me in this little whim, but I have to say it. The girl just has some amazing hair. Now I'm not a girly-girl, but I can't help feeling like I'm in a shampoo commerical everytime I'm around her! Please people, don't be distracted by the fabulous hair, there is real girl there.

Then there's Bizzie.... the name says it all. Elizabeth, that's what we call her when she is sick or depressed. Bizzie is who she is all of the time, a force of nature to be reckoned with. Our powerful little pixie, who somehow, in spite of her diminutive stature, manages to fill up an entire room with her presence. Like her older sister, she is wise beyond her years, and yet the most random stuff will just come flying out of her mouth. "Bizzie, what is your greatest athletic achievment thus far? I did 45 butt bounces in a row on the trampoline!" "Bizzie, what would you like to pass on to the next generation? My eyebrow!" She's part rockstar, part artist, part skater, part revolutionary, part emcee, part DJ, and hostess with the mostest. But don't let her rockstar ways fool you, this girl has a heart of gold like the big sister Katie she so idolizes. Her softspot is best seen with little kids, in particular her cousins JD and Rawley. They adore her and she adores them. Bizzie was one of the first kids I really saw her cousin JD (who has autism) really try to engage with. And in true Rockstar fashion, Bizzie can rock any hat she wears including the hard to wear fedora.

My life is now complete in the sense that I have little sisters to brag on and nag on. Love you, my Rockstar Chicas!

Grace Like Rain

2009-04-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to devote a blog to praising and thanking God for his grace like rain in my life, and the lives of those I'm blessed to know.

1. For my family and their constant pursuit of God's grace rather than perfection. I am so blessed by being able to be in a strong Christian family. And thank you to all the friends who have reminded me of this blessing!

2. For my 2nd family, the Winkles (Jack, Julie, and Noah) for letting me be a part of their family for these very sweet 8 months. Jack and Julie, for allowing me the privilege of seeing God work his grace out in your marriage, your parenting, and your friendships! Noah, you are the best big little bro I could have ever asked God for. You have taught me so much during the time I've known you.

3. For my little "sisters", Katie and Bizzie Ward who have filled that void in my life of being and only child. Thanks for indulging me in that, and thank you to their parents, Rob and Teri, who are gracious enough to entrust their most precious gifts to me (and for letting me take them to a concert and get henna tattoos! You're the coolest parents ever!). You all mean more to me than you'll ever know!

4. For all the families of children with disabilities that I've had the privilege to work with and know; the Daltons, Twiggs, Chediak's, Malles, Baxters, Hopkins, Winkles, Flaherty... and the list continues to grow! Your love and faithfulness to your children has given many priceless gifts to me and others who watch you. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives. Also all the amazing co-workers and mentors who have been so influential in making me a better teacher.

5. For my Cornerstone family... you all are amazing, and you teach me so much about our beloved Savior! Thank you for being Christ to me and my family. I wish I could devote an entire blog to the blessings we have experienced through our church family. I am so excited to be able to move back, and be a part of this amazing church body.

6. For my high school girlfriends; Holly, Vanessa, Lindsay, Heather, Meredith. How many people remain friends from elementary school to the present! It's such a joy and an honor to know you all! We have all been through our share of tough times these past few years, and you've all just become stronger, more beautiful women of God. Love you all!

7. For my fellow Sweazy RA's and RD; Sam and the three Sarah's! I see you all once a year, and that event is a highlight. To see God's grace in your lives over the years is beautiful to see.

8. For my TMC friends and mentors too numerous to name, but each so significant in their roles in my life. I am so proud of all of you, and what you are allowing God to do in your lives in the present. I am so grateful UCSD rejected me!

9. For the high school friends I've only really gotten to know after high school! Mike, Lisa, Jayson, Ms. Cramer... Wish we could have all been closer back in the day, but so blessed to know you now and looking forward to receiving more inspiration from all of you!

10. And last but certainly not least, all my numerous friends and family spread out in Uganda, Kenya, and Sudan. I miss you all, and am so honored to call you friends, brother, sisters. It's painful and difficult to be separated, but I look to the day when we'll be united in our Father's presence and all things will be made right before Him.

This list just barely begins to scratch the surface of God's grace like rain, but I pray it encourages, inspires, delights all who read it. I pray it causes the Holy Spirit to move your hearts in gratitude, awe, and praise of our great and mighty Savior.

Theology and Starbucks

2009-01-15T22:04:00.000-08:00

When you go out for coffee, you don't always pay for the coffee. You also pay for the atmosphere. Well Starbucks, or as my Dad refers to it "Fourbucks" is no exception, you get what you pay for. This particular Starbucks is renowned for it's witty and culturally sensitive baristas as you will see by the following exchange. Barry the Barista offered me an extra shot in my cappuccino, to which I told him I didn't really want to be jumping out of my skin at the conference I was on my way to. He chided me for wasting a shot, and I kindly suggested he drink it himself if he was so concerned about the waste factor. With a manic look in his eye, he responded with "Does it really look like I need more?" I recanted, and he began to inquire about where I was going, "What conference are going to?" I figured the only way to help him deal with his caffeine with-drawls was to take his mind off them by answering his question. "It's put on by Master's College." In response, He debonairly handed me the sleeve to my cup, winked, and said with that California skater boy drawl "Sexy!" And with that my four dollar investment in "Fourbucks" barista tact and sensitivity program was yielded back to me in full. I walked out comforted and relieved that theology has reached a new cultural high, because baristas are secretly the truest measure of that very thing.

Questions

2009-01-09T12:25:00.000-08:00

One of my goals this year is to collect and answer great questions. I want to ask them not only of myself, but of everyone around me. A friend, the lovely Kayla Hernandez, came across this list of questions compiled by Donald Whitney. These are great questions to meditate and act on. So here's the question I'm thinking on today. Feel free to answer!

What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

From the Mouth of Babes...

2009-01-06T21:44:00.001-08:00

This is just a taste of the conversation I had today with my "little sister." Growing up, I always wanted a little sister or brother to watch over, nurture, shepherd, all those tender little things. Here is a sample of one of those precious moments ;)

Me: "Bizzie, let's try something different for treat day this week. Is there something new you want to try ?"

Bizzie, the 9 yr. old going on 30: "Well, you could take me to Elephant Bar and get me a virgin pina colada!"

Personal Deliverance

2008-12-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

God, liberate us from the misery of self-serving fear that wants to run the other way from conflict, pain, other's suffering, personal suffering, and messy relationships that bring in all of the above. Several times in the past months, I have found myself running away from confusing or painful situations citing the ultimate cop out of "Lord, I am but a youth." God brought me back to a journal entry I had written back in June. It was words on a page then, and now it's fast becoming a living, breathing reality as God's Words bring me and others to gaze upon the beauty of His Son.
When I read the words of Jeremiah, I so often envision a gray bearded old man. After all, those kind of words are one's you imagine coming from the mouth of a wise elder. I was reading Jeremiah 1:8 in it's context, and was reminded that God had called Jeremiah while still a young man.

"Now the word of the LORD came to me, saying,

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,

and before you were born I consecrated you;

I appointed you a prophet to the nations.'

Then I [Jeremiah] said, 'Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not

know how to speak for I am only a youth;'

But the Lord said to me,

'Do not say, 'I am only a youth;'

for to all whom I send you, you shall go,

and whatever I command you, you shall speak.

Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you,'

declares the LORD."

Jeremiah 1:4-8

The Father does not promise that we will be kept from all danger, conflict, harm etc. In fact, His promises are often given in the context that we will certainly face trials of both a personal and corporate nature. Jeremiah's job from God was to warn His people to repent in the face of God's wrath and judgement for their rebellion against Him. Jeremiah had to surrender self-preservation and receive a humble selflessness that founded itself on God alone and transcended his personal fears. God asks us to be more concerned with others fate than our own, and in that, he will deliver us and them from danger brought upon us by evil. God will not guard our self-preservation. He will guard only our true lives which are hidden in His Son. These are lives that He has transformed into selfless devotion to Him and His loved ones. It seems the more risks we humbly take in obeying God, the more protection He provides. He will guard His holiness and righteousness being worked out in us. He will not guard the sin that prevents those things, and brings death into our innermost being. His holiness and righteousness come with a good, healthy tension in our lives. That tension and our response to it often reveals sin that God wants to purge from our lives. That purging is a fundamental part of His protection and deliverance. God has promised that He is and will guard our lives. And it is life as He created it, not as we think of it in the throes of our fleshly desires. We add on unnecessary and harmful things to the concept of life. He doesn't guard those things. He purges them, so we may Have life and have it in abundance in Him.

Confessions of a Semi-Reformed Apathetic Voter

2008-11-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

As my friend, Mr. Jack Winkle says, if you're not involved, you can't complain. Well, as of this morning, I can officially complain about the status of of our country. But I'm not going to do that, because some of my apathy still remains. This will most likely be the only time I ever blog about politics for the two reasons that I am apathetic and lazy when it comes to US politics. Sadly, I probably know more about African politics than I do about my own country.

My friend, Mr. Winkle, likes to characterize me as a contrarian; "
a person who takes an opposing view, esp. one who rejects the majority opinion, as in economic matters." This has been demonstrated by the fact that I am a sucker for the underdog in nearly every sporting event. Bring that attitude into our current political season, and my temptation is extremism; to disregard all things of a political nature. I was seriously considering not voting at all until I begin to have some interesting conversations with my junior high age friends, Rosie and Katie. In spite of my self proclaimed apathy, I couldn't contain my curiosity about their thoughts and attitudes regarding current events. I began to feel somewhat hypocritical as I challenged them and vice versa. Did I want them to adopt the same attitude I had? In spite of the fact that they are not of voting age, these are the years where they are in the beginning stages of forming worldviews, life philosophies, opinions etc. I wanted them to care about the issues we were talking about, to see the bigger picture, and yet my apathy was completely opposed to that.

I also began to consider what I had observed about politics overseas. Uganda; never has had a peaceful transition of power, presidents come into power through violent and bloody coups. My most current trip there was filled with rumors of yet another coup. Kenya; the hope of Africa, was left in chaos after a contested political election. Sudan; elections? Elections, who has time for those when you're engaged in decades of bloody civil war that completely destroy your country's infrastructure. When people go to vote in these countries, they have all paid a heavy price to do so. They don't have the luxury of being apathetic when it involves their very survival. And when they do exercise their freedom to vote, it is often done under threat of violence. Furthermore, my family and I spent a large part of our summer in Uganda talking politics with concerned Ugandans. Trust me, it was not a conversation I initiated, but I was floored as time after time, Ugandans continued to engage me in political discussions about the virtues of Barack Obama vs. the virtues of John McCain (although to be completely honest, few Ugandans had ever heard of McCain. The love was definitely on the Obama side). Ugandans were more interested in US politics than I was, and they saw the US elections as being extremely influential in the future of African nations. As I considered these things, I realized that I needed to take a serious look at my apathetic attitude toward politics. This led me to begin studying what was truly entailed in an apathetic lifestyle, and what I discovered scared me. The following are some interesting definitions I came across.

"absence of suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement"

"lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting."

"lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness"

As I looked at these simple definitions, I asked myself, are these the character qualities the Holy Spirit desires to grow in me? Is being made in the image of God in sync with being passionless and indifferent? Read Job 38-40, and the answer is more than a resounding no, God's presence in Creation and His Son renders complete and utter speechlessness. These thoughts then led me into looking at the history of the word "apathy," and here are the fascinating results.

"1603, "freedom from suffering," from Fr. apathie, from L. apathia, from Gk. apatheia "freedom from suffering, impassability," from apathes "without feeling," from a- "without" + pathos "emotion, feeling, suffering" (see pathos). Originally a positive quality; sense of "indolence of mind, indifference to what should excite" is from c.1733."

"Ap"a*thy\, n.; pl. Apathies. [L. apathia, Gr. ?; 'a priv. + ?, fr. ?, ?, to suffer: cf. F. apathie. See Pathos.] Want of feeling; privation of passion, emotion, or excitement; dispassion; -- applied either to the body or the mind. As applied to the mind, it is a calmness, indolence, or state of indifference, incapable of being ruffled or roused to active interest or exertion by pleasure, pain, or passion. "The apathy of despair." --Macaulay.
A certain apathy or sluggishness in his nature which led him . . . to leave events to take their own course. --Prescott.
According to the Stoics, apathy meant the extinction of the passions by the ascendency of reason. --Fleming.
Note: In the first ages of the church, the Christians adopted the term to express a contempt of earthly concerns.
Syn: Insensibility; unfeelingness; indifference; unconcern; stoicism; supineness; sluggishness."

In essence, apathy is an avoidance of suffering; something our heavenly Father and His Son do not embrace. Apathy is largely an excuse to live your life based on your convenience regardless of your background and personal opinions. The best things in life are worth fighting for, as lived out by Christ and His followers, and apathy can not co-exist with that mindset and lifestyle. So we should use this current political season to really allow the Holy Spirit to put us through the refiners fire, and thus grow us in learning how to love God and love people. When it comes to standing before God, we are not going to be called into account for what political party we aligned ourselves with, but we will be called into account about how we loved God and loved Him through our love or lack of love for others. The political systems of the USA, of Africa, of the UK, of little tiny Bernei are all flawed and will continue to be; however, it is through the flaws that God works out His amazing and miraculous redemption. So in this current political season let us all consider what it is God would have us to learn and act on with regards to His redemption in the face of our inevitably imperfect choices.

Transforming Thoughts

2008-10-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

I've been doing some reading related to my thesis, and came across this incredible collection of essays on ministry to and with people with developmental disabilities. It's a book called The Pastoral Voice of Robert Perske, and he does an amazing job of bringing Christ's grace and mercy into theology and how it relates to our brothers and sisters with developmental disabilities. I was so moved, that I wanted to post some these excerpts from his book and leave them for food for thought. Enjoy!

"Sammy knows that he has both weaknesses and strengths. He knows he is imperfect. Sometimes I am forced to smile when I think of the doctrines of perfection and sanctification that caused many of us much struggle and guilt in earlier days. It is interesting to note how much theology has been written so that between the lines we can perceive man's struggle for a brilliant mind, a beautiful body, and a pure heart. It is a struggle for a fantastic perfection that none of us can achieve in the world. Sammy's condition, and that of others like him, helps us to see that every man is a conglomerate of weaknesses and strengths with which we must struggle and out of which he will bring Creation of a sinful lack of Creation as long as he lives.

No theological view can ever be realistic and relevant until the man doing the viewing has some understanding of his own human limits. In fact, it is my hunch that the better a man is able to perceive his finite limits and live with them, the close he will be able to come to a relevant theological view."

"Sometimes a pastor can get caught up in theologizing about the process. I personally feel that the better job we can do in understanding and accepting the [person with developmental disabilities] the better we can believe what God must feel toward us. for then we came closer to believing that God loves, understands us and accepts us as we are and doesn't wait until we change into what he wants us to be before He starts loving us."

This final section comes from an essay entitled "The Mentally Retarded Can Arouse Repulsions." Before you turn away in disgust at the title, just remember the context and time this was written in. Yeah, it's not Politically Correct, but read first, then judge.

"Many hate to admit that they can be repelled by [people with developmental disabilities] to some degree. Sometimes the 'pulling away' is observed as an overt act. At other times it is done in more subtle ways. this can lead to a most interesting problem. Why is it that we sometimes feel repelled?

Is it because we have never learned to live graciously with failure in our own lives? Failure can make us feel guilty.

Is because we have strong needs for stimulating relationships only? Is it hard to give to people who can't give as much in return?

Is it because because one of our greatest fears is that we will be found to be stupid and insignificant? Is this one of our most closely guarded fears: that we will be found to be a 'nothing?' Do we sometimes refuse to associate with those who remind us of one of our own greatest fears?

Is it because in America we hold high the myth of human progress? WE try so hard to believe that man is always making positive development, always moving onward and upward toward achieving the brilliant mind, beautiful body, and the pure heart which none of us will ever have fully in this life. Maybe we hate to admit that human process does move backward and downhill at times.

Or is it more comfortable and secure to keep our relationships narrowed to those who live, function, and think like ourselves. Can we dare to do this when society has now begun to learn that greater creativity comes from struggling with the individual differences of people even if it is risky?

Notice that the questions raised do not force us to ask, ' What is wrong with the [developmentally disabled] person?' Instead, the tables are turned. They force us to ask, 'What is wrong with us that makes us want to avoid the [developmentally disabled?"

Our loved ones with developmental disabilities do not need more redemption than the rest of us. We all need and require the same amount of infinite redemption and divine mercy and justice.

We Love our Tank

2008-10-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

We've Always Depended on the Kindness of Strangers

2008-10-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

This blog is in response to my "Big Sister", Julie Ann Winkle, who will not stop harassing me and threatening me with bodily harm if I don't update my blog. Good thing, you're in Hawaii right now, Julie! I can talk all the smack I want, and there's nothing you can do about it!!

Well, Noah, myself, and the newest member of our ever expanding family, the fabulous Jamie Tracy, are our own little family this week as Jack and Julie are getting some much needed R&R in Hawaii. With Prop 8 posters everywhere, Jamie made a very appropriate observation as we walked into Denny's the other day, "Hey, look! We're the picture of the new American family!" We have to admit, it is pretty entertaining to watch people's reactions as we're out in public. You can see the questions on their faces, "What is going on there?"

This week has been a lesson in how to live out Christs grace in the public eye when everything seems to be out of your control. I've been trying to put the shoe on the other foot, and see what people see when we're out in public. It is indeed very easy to make assumptions. It does occasionally look like Jamie and I are young mothers who don't know what in the world they're doing. When we're out in public with Noah, it's easy to walk around with a chip on your shoulder or the attitude of "Bring it on" with the inaccurate assumptions and judgments and stares of people around us. You can kind of attain to a level of sick pride as you flaunt your "Deal with it" attitude. But several times this week, our pride has suffered some much needed blows as we have been the recipients of God's mercy at the hands of strangers. In a public restaurant, a little boy sitting behind us, came up and offered Noah a lollipop when he saw Noah having a difficult time with the noise level. The waitress accommodated our every need as we made adjustments to get our lunch to go. The father of the boy who offered the lollipop asked what he could to do help. My initial reaction was to apologize for distracting him from lunch with his family, but he gave me some much needed perspective as he graciously said "Don't apologize. We've all been through it. My daughter just had a tantrum five minutes ago. I'm just so frustrated, because I want to help you." Then he and his family just sat there in silent support as Noah worked out his frustration. That man and his family helped more by just letting us know that it was okay, and we were no different from "normal" families who struggle as we do.

A second incident of grace occurred when we took Noah to school the other day. School has been difficult for Noah of late, and we anticipated that it might be a little rough this week with mom and dad being gone. Noah was working out his fears, angers, and frustrations on the ground of the school parking lot, and I was consumed with protecting him and not even thinking about how to make the long journey from the parking lot to the school entrance. You get tunnel vision in those moments, and aren't even aware of what is going on around you. Apparently, there were a few lookie loo's, and one mom who had a son in Noah's class took it upon herself to stand in front of us to protect our dignity and make a statement. In all fairness, some of those lookie loo's may have been standing there to offer their silent support. You can't help but watch a train wreck, and sometimes the only thing we can do is look on and pray. Another mom from our church, who I hadn't met until that day, came up, assessed the situation, saw my need, and took the initiative to get his teacher's assistance. With all these people rallying around him, Noah rose to the challenge, and got through the day with flying colors! In spite of the intensity of his tantrum, I firmly believe that Noah understood and was responding to the grace of Christ that these people were pouring out on him. And he will continue to do so. Today Jamie, Noah, and I prayed before we got out of the car, and Noah responded with a hearty "Amen." Noah watches us intently, and I pray that he sees us crying out to God in the middle of confusion and chaos. We pray that he learns to cry out to God in the midst of his frustration and pain. We have miles to go before we sleep, but God's grace is much more potent in the middle of the confusing unknown. God's grace and mercy is just as potent on the ground of a parking lot as it is in the pew of a church building.

The Monster Lives and Breathes

2008-10-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

Egomania is a tough tenant to get rid of. It's had to step down from a job, an embarrassing car wreck, and personal failure thrown at it the past month, and it still thrives. It seems to fight harder and gain strength when you think it's going to hightail it out of town. Egomania is charming. He winks, laughs, whispers in your ear, seduces you into oblivion of inflated self. He doesn't look imposing, but his charm and wit cover for his overwhelming and unusual strength. He perverts Christ's divine strength, making it appear weak and pathetic. But while he's doing this song and dance, he's picking the pockets of your soul and stripping your heart clean. Then, before you know it, you're waking up in an alleyway naked, starving, and terrified. And yet, you crawl back to Egomania, somehow deceiving yourself that he is your savior in your time of need. He decks you out in the finest clothes, and then you willing become his servant. He becomes your pimp, selling your soul out to the highest bidder; lust, jealousy, anger, vanity etc. An abundance of demands on my time has resulted in me letting my guard down, and more vulnerable to the subtle and deadly attacks of Egomania. He has somehow survived the car accident, but pride can't survive the realization of one's mortality. I finally sat to just listen to myself breath, and reflect on the the Martha question, "What one thing is necessary?" Redemption, redemption, redemption. Redemption that not only leads us into but allows us to share in the disposition and riches of Christ and His inheritance.

"The little 'I am' always sulks when God says I do. Let the little I 'I am' be shrivelled up by God's indignation-

I AM THAT I AM hath sent thee. He must dominate."

Oswald Chambers

And He will dominate with both severe power and tenderness in order to expose the lies Egomania has fed you and you have willingly believed.

Don't Mess with Texas, It will do This to Your Car

2008-09-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

You're a car accident waiting to happen when you have a bumper sticker on your car that says, "I MESSED WITH TEXAS, IT'S NOT SO TOUGH."

Sorry, Texas you win.

Went through an intersection, got clipped on the back end by an SUV, went into a spin, over the center divider, across three lanes of oncoming traffic, through the fence to Grandma's house we go.

TGIF

2008-09-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

This is how we do it at the Winkle house on a Friday night

Studly Soccer Players and the Life Cereal Box Girl

2008-09-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

Movie Theatre Meditations

2008-09-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

I had the rare opportunity to enjoy the loud silence of a movie theatre for 10 whole minutes today, and after a day filled with shuttling kids around, the silence was indeed deafening. My first reaction was to check my text messages, of which I knew I had no new ones. Then I thought I would text a friend. Then my over analytical mind began musing over why my first response in quiet was to reach for my cell phone. Why couldn't I just sit there, and stare off into space? After all, I was completely alone. I could talk to as many imaginary friends as I wanted, break into song with the movie, snort laugh as much as possible, and belch like a trucker. By the time I had created a list of 15 things to do in an empty theatre, people had trickled in and my musing was interrupted by 30 minutes of adrenaline pumping previews. Once musing starts, it's difficult to put it on pause, and I found myself composing a blog throughout the entire film. It was a great movie (Ghostown with Ricky Gervais). Deadpan British humor is the best, and I snort laughed under my breath several times in deep appreciation. Anyways, British humor, as entertaining as it was, did not seem to be enough to put the musing to an end. Since I've been spending most of my time with masses of hurling tornadoes called children, I've learned the art of deep philosophical meditation while attempting to simultaneously drive and prevent Noah from opening the car door to rescue the french fries that fell between the seat and the door.
Back to the film, Ricky Gervaise was playing this uptight, cold dentist who warms to the world by the combination of finding the love of his life while helping ghosts carry out their unfinished business. You have to see it to understand the appeal. Honestly, Ricky Gervais is one of the few who can pull something like that off. He undergoes this transformation, gets the girl yada, yada yada.... All that somehow triggered meditation on experiences in Uganda this past summer. For a good six months, I seemed incapable of love. Well realistically, I found I was a sorry mess incapable of love because I had gotten myself there and it was part of the human condition. I honestly despised being in Uganda most of the 2 1/2 weeks we were there, and was grieving over a love I thought I had lost forever. I was supposed to love Uganda and its people, and 23 hours of the day, I didn't. I feared I had never loved anyone or anything to begin with. There were moments of listening to some one's story where I would be thinking, "If I have to hear another story, pretend to care, and pretend to try to fix it, I'm going to march off into the bush and disappear." God was gracious and merciful to give despair over sin and over helplessness. He hurts to heal, and Meghan, my dear cousin, walked through the muck with me. There were several times I wanted to dunk her under and hold her there (I'm sure she felt the same), but God carried us through on each other's arms. When we got back from Uganda, I spent the next week being a hermit, alternating between watching reality television and bawling my eyes out. There's nothing to help you feel better than watching other people self destruct on national television. The self needs to be destroyed for Christ and His otherness to be built up in us. Fortunately, we have to despair of the ability to love before we are free to enjoy the mercy of His love and the love of His others. There's been no great climax in all this, but the steady walking and crawling and resting in the refuge.

Today, I spent the day with one child with autism and one "typical" child. You would think there would be a great difference between the two, but there was hardly any in the things that make them both wonderfully human. They both alternated between beautiful selflessness and complete selfishness and disregard for others. It was hilarious to watch. Noah melted down in the frozen foods section of the grocery store and Bizzie demanded constant entertainment and pleasure. Noah fished the ball out of the pool for us during an animated lacrosse game, gave us kisses, and selflessly bounced us on the trampoline. And he worked through his anxiety in a new situation and let us finish having lunch at the park. Bizzie, on her end, carried all my stuff while I had my hands full with Noah, shared her dreams and desires to be an autism therapist with me and Noah, let Noah take my full attention, bossed him around when he was being stubborn, and sweetly offered him gummies as he sweated it out during soccer practice. And this is the complex reality we present to God every single day of our lives, and He loves us so perfectly and completely. I enjoy the sentimentality of love, but there is nothing like the love that is learned, that endures when someone is walking through the muck, that wipes the snot off of your face, or cleans your toe ring while it's still on your toe. I will never forget the day that I had today with Bizzie and Noah, or three weeks ago with Noah. We were having an altercation in the bathroom. Noah was in the middle of a huge tantrum, and I lost it and yelled at him and a little too forcefully grabbed his hands to prevent him from biting them. He continued to scream, and I just sat on the toilet seat, put my head in my hands, and just began to cry. Noah didn't quite know what to make of this anomaly. One of the affects of autism is the inability to read social cues which is why I was completely floored by what happened next. Noah put his hands on my wrists, looked at me, put his head down, and said "ov oo" which is his way of saying "love you." I certainly didn't deserve that, and I cried even harder which set him off again, but God had used all those times of us telling him we loved him during his meltdowns to now minister to me in a huge moment of sin and helplessness. This is love, not that we loved him, but that he loved us, and became man with and for us. We have nothing to prove in our love or our lack of love. We have simply to trust and follow and enjoy mercy. Thank you God for teaching us from the mouth of babes.

Red Sox, Yankee's, and Gymbo... Oh My!

2008-09-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, friends, child development is on sale. It's a specialized trade that only the professionals can assist you with, and you better get right or you royally screw up your child's future. If you truly love your child, you'll willingly shell out the big bucks for the professional's advice, their unique technology and equipment, and their magical music that will cause your child's brain to grow to the size of a watermelon. And yes, I work for the "enemy." Having your foot in both worlds, one is the family community and the other is the world of the "professionals", is an experience we all should have. When the two work together, it's such an amazing process to be a part of. And when all hell breaks loose between the two, it's exhausting and exhilarating once you work it out. Sometimes you just have to crawl under a table, and just wait until everyone runs out of ammo. Other times you acknowledge that you're the Red Sox and their the Yankees, and their will never be any love lost between the two. Well, my time as a free agent has ended, and I'm signing on with the Red Sox for the time being. The Winkle's have given me an incredible opportunity to be a part of their support system. Noah will probably try to negotiate with the Yankee's behind our backs as demonstrated by the fact that he sometimes still tries to walk me out the front door at night when I tell him goodnight. It'll be a great time for the professional training and head knowledge to be reconciled with street smarts and family time. So farewell, Gymbo and Gymboree. Gymbo, it's not you, it's me. It never would have worked out. We're just better off as friends.

Life Hurts and the Hope is in the Hurt

2008-09-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

A week with a tough decision to make, difficult news to hear, and several loved one's facing excruiating pain. Maybe that's why this book ended up coming home from the bookstore with me today, Good Poems for Hard Times. No solved problems this week and no end in sight for loved one's pain, but a poem that just spoke to truth to daily reality.

Job

"Yes: wisdom begins with fear of the Lord,

which comprehends the power that made the seas,

the earth, the shimmering dawn, the unexplored

unfathomed skies, the moon, and the Pleiades.

Which aso know Who comes to judge our shoddy

little failing lives, knowing full well,

we need not fear the one who kills the body,

but only He who condemns the soul to hell.

Which also knows it magnifies the Lord,

defying the demon, being the only release,

oddly enough, from fear, being its own reward,

which is also wise, is faith, is hope, is peace,

is tender mercy, over and over again,

until, at last, is love, is love. Amen."

William Baer

Studly Surfers

2008-08-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Every week, it gets better and better. Last week, I got to be with some studly soccer players and this week I got to hang with some pretty gnarly surfers. Yesterday, we played hooky from jobs and school, and went down to La Jolla for Surfer's Healing, a day long surfing camp for children with autism. Noah changed his name to suit the day, Moa-Moah became his Samoan surfing name. Bradley, his friend, became B-rad, and Gio was Rocky in honor of his very patriotic swim trunks. Noah perfected the art of swim&stim or should I say surf&stim while B-rad survived a sick wipeout only to bob up with a huge smile on his face. Blogger is not the greatest place to post a ton of pictures, so if you want to see the studly surfers in action, go to this link.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012021&l=d30fd&id=159900391

Snarkiness and Studly Soccer Players

2008-08-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

Snarky is one of those great British words that hits the nail on the head better than American English, and it makes you sound intelligent. It also sounds better than "jerkface" which is essentially what it translates into. I was guilty of being snarky when I was invited to a jewelry party with the "Desparate Wives of Canyon Country." See, there's a perfect demonstration of snarky. The entire time I was there I was alternately looking around for the reality show camera crew, and composing a a blog chock full of snarkiness. After I had time to calm down from my experience, I realized that my knee jerk reaction to tear these women down was just pure self righteousness/legalism/insecurity. I forgot that these women are part of the real world, and although they appeared to be fake to me, they do in fact daily struggle with trials beyond what I could imagine. I have in fact encountered many of these women in my job, and many of them have welcomed me with open arms as I invaded their family structures. How many times have I heard that love meets people where they're at? And where they are at is not a level below you? It doesn't beat them over the head and leave them uncoscious or treat them with condescenion. It exalts them and honors the fact that they are made in God's image. I judged these women for not reaching out to me, when in fact I was the one that responded with the infamous "ice queen." Fortunately, some of the time was redeemed, and I did have some good conversations with the women there. Hopefull, I'll have more oppurtunities to walk a mile in their shoes, and they a mile in mine.

In other news, I discovered I was as vulnerable to marketing madness as any other person. This was confirmed as I spent two days this week in Whole Foods. Everytime I walk into that place, my eyes glaze over, and I walk around in a dream like state forgetting that there's a good reason why they call this place "Whole Paycheck." I gave into my granola girl instincts by ordering a Veggie Fun Noodle Bowl which was overflowing with greens and tofu. Then I took the leftovers home, and left Jack speechless when I offered him a taste. You would've thought I told him I was a Democrat (which I already told him ;) and flaming liberal. Yes, I have partly bought into the Whole Foods, organic movement heart and soul. I have to admit though, diet is more important than we give it credit for. I have seen some remarkable changes in children with autim simply by adjustments in diet. It's made me make some significant changes in my own eating habits, and I have to say, what you do or don't put into your body has a significant affect on your state of mind and body.

Finally, I got to hang out with some pretty studly soccer players today as Noah had his soccer pictures. I have to confess I have longed to play soccer for years, and now I may get my chance. Someone has to accompany Noah on the field at all times, and so I may get to live out my World Cup fantasy although I'm fairly certain I'm not supposed to mow down kids or take shots at the goal. Soccer players, please feel free to send me some tips here. I'm going to need all the help I can get. I fully expect to spend my first game wrestling with Noah on the ground; however, he has surprised and humbled me more than once by sailing through unexpected situations. We have yet to try the cleats and the shin guards, but it could get interesting ;) Here's some pictures from the event.

Diving Into Marketing Madness

2008-08-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this entry by saying I have nothing against marketing. I write this blog simply for pure entertainment, and to sharpen my writing skills;) That said, I was out and about at the mall with my girlfriend, Bizzie, having a school minimum day celebration. Bizzie was eating Pinkberry with gusto, and I was stuffing my face with a sub sandwich when I noticed this lady giving us what I would later discover was the "marketing" eye. At first, I thought she might be someone I knew from college, but then I saw her gaze fasten on Bizzie who is a four foot bundle of energy, freckles, and the toothless Life cereal box smile. "Are you sisters?" she asked. Well, I figured that was better than the alternative of being thought of as Bizzie's mom, but after I told her I wasn't in any way shape or form related to Bizzie, it became very clear that I was never the main attraction. You can't compete with the Life cereal box girl when you're 25. "I love her energy!" she kept saying which is a huge red flag that "Hollywood Joe/Josephine" is in the building. This was my introduction to casting director lingo. It turned out she wanted to recruit Bizzie and her family for this new game show entitled "Opportunity Knocks." I fondly think of it as "Opportunity Knocks for Product Placement." By the time we had picked up Bizzie's sister, Katie, from school, word had begun to spread like wildfire that we were all going to be in our own reality show with a fashion line in the works ;) We celebrated by going home and singing Cheetah Girl songs at the top of our lungs.

In other marketing news, my favorite story of the Olympics has become not Michael Phelps, not the "golden track girl" who fell on the last hurdle, or the tear jerking autobiographical sketches NBC does, but the little side story of the beach volleyball player whose sunglasses steamed up. Instead of just taking them off or running to Walmart to grab the 99 cent pair, he took the lenses out and played with just the rims on. Why, you ask? Because he had a contract with his sponsor. Doesn't that just warm the sentimental parts of your soul?

Okay, enough bashing on marketing. I'm like a critic who becomes a critic, because they couldn't make it in their field. Anyways, Noah has been pretty unphased by the Olympics marketing madness, but we did discover a sport he would watch with us.... platform diving. I know he appreciates the technical finesse and all that jazz, but I think he also is jealous of the fact that they are the closest thing to naked of all the Olympic athletes. "Guys, why won't you let me go out in public like that?!" You can see his support in his decision to watch it in the buff. That's true committment to the sport. It's also his way of non verbally protesting the fact that we make him put on clothes before he leaves the house.

When it Rains it Pours

2008-08-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

Life in the Winkle household is a unique mixture of chaotic and peaceful. In the past two days, Julie came down with a 103 degree fever, all of Noah's therapists quit unexpectedly, and Noah's older brother ended up in the hospital with a concussion after a nasty mountain biking accident. A comedy of errors, accidents, and strange coincidences. And in all of this life went on, and we all adjusted, including Noah :) How good our God is who takes away what we think we need, and replaces it with Himself and His goodness. In the words of Anne Lammot, when life seems to be at its most confusing and hurtful, something beautiful is about to get born.

Happy Belated Anniversary, Monkey!

2008-08-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over a year that our little Lisa Palmer, now Mrs. Wreesman, entered into holy matrimony with great dignity and also a lot of laughter. I know I told this story during the toast, Mrs. Wreesman, but the blogging world deserves to hear it told again. Now I didn't know Steven that well when they started hanging out, but I knew he was THE ONE after their first date. Steven had gone through the manly ritual of hunting with the men in his family, and had their prize elk's heart sent to the school. He invited Lisa to dissect it with him, and the rest is history.... There is no way to Lisa's heart like an elk's heart. Bring it on PETA, you can't deny true love. Love you guys, and may God continue to bless your marriage.

Parenthood

2008-02-14T20:31:00.000-08:00

This year has been an eye opening look into the daunting world of parenting and God's patient sovereignty. First, it was my job. I spent hours each week in family's homes seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly. But it couldn't stay my job for long. You can't remain clinical for very long when a parent is asking you why their child can't talk or why they won't accept their caresses. Then it carried over into my thesis for grad school. I was looking for answers to give these families. I wanted to fix their situations, but then I began to face the reality that perhaps God didn't want the reality to be "fixed." I wouldn't wish the trials these families face on anyone; however, I have seen a supernatural strength and grace in these families that is stunning to behold. And I have a witnessed that same strength and grace in the children I've gotten to work with. The truth is I haven't discovered any quick fixes for what these families or I myself face. It shook me up that I didn't have a solution. All I seemed to posses was lukewarm platitudes and spiritual catchphrases. My faith seemed to be nothing but bells and whistles, and I was left terrified. And the truth is I still am terrified, but oddly at peace. Another confession, I burned out on my job and on my thesis. I felt like an absolute failure, because I didn't have the ability to "fix" the kids I worked with or myself for that matter. My goal in life has been to prove myself to God and man, and I gloriously failed. I finally lost the battle with God, I had nothing left to prove to Him. I had (still have) to become like a child before Him. My new mentor in becoming like a child before God is Noah. Noah is my "little brother" (although he nearly outweighs me and will very soon be taller than me). I temporarily left my job and took some time away from the thesis, and there to help me pick up the pieces were my family, my church family at Cornerstone, my lovely cousin Meghan, and Noah's family. I was so self-centered and egotistical in all this, but God was so good to me in that I gained infinitely more than I thought I lost. So, I moved in with my mentor, Mr. Noah Winkle, and his family, and I'm letting him teach me how to be a child and how to approach God. It's heartbreaking to see what Noah endures sometimes; the unexplainable screaming and tears and self injurious behaviors. And yet, I swear, like his mom and dad say, that he cries out for mercy with a faith I long for and am in awe of. I have heard him beg for help from the hands of God, and I should be doing the same thing. We all should. Thank you, Noah, for all you have and are teaching me about God and childlike faith. And thank you Jack and Julie, for letting me into one of the most intimate parts of your family life. Thank you to my spiritual family that is Christ to me.

Happy Birthday Bekita!

2008-02-02T19:53:00.000-08:00

A Long Overdue Update

2008-02-02T18:53:00.000-08:00

Hey friends, family, stalkers, and random readers! I promised I would keep y'all updated on my life back in the 'burbs of Southern California, and I have been horrible at keeping that promise. So I may be speaking to the air on this update, but I'm always surprised that whenever I update at least one person is listening. I've been inspired to update my blog by a number of people (Sam Neylan, Sarah Ikegami, Julie Winkle, creepy advertisers who try to take over your comment page...). And the Lord is doing some truly amazing things in my life, and I want the grace and mercy that comes from sharing them with the body of Christ. There's also a certain level of accountability that comes from a blog as well. If I post something for the world to see, I best be living it out or working on it! So here goes!
For the past year and a half, I have been working for Applied Behavioral Consultants as a behavior tutor. Don't ask me what the heck that means... I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Basically, I get payed to play with kids all day, and act like one as well. Hey, I know what you're all thinking, and it's much harder than it sounds, trust me! The kids I work with are all on the autism spectrum, and this past year has been a trial by fire in learning to love those who don't appear to desire your love. You know how Americans have a personal bubble around them? Well, most children with autism have a bubble that's a little bigger than most which makes for an interesting time when you're job is to be in their face 20 hours a week. God has used my job to teach me aspects of redemption, sanctification, love, joy, peace etc. that I could go on about for hours.I have also heard that there are several graduates from Master's who are working the same field as me, and if any of you read this, I would love to be in touch with you! And for any who are interested in working in this field, please contact me as well. This field is a huge ministry oppurtunity, not only to the children, but the parents and siblings as well. How does someone with a history degree end up in this field? I don't know, but I thank God for it everyday, and pray for more to join me!
I was encouraged to blog about my experiences with children who have autism by Sam Neylan. After our Sweazy RA reunion this past December, Sam told me that the world needed to hear the stories I told her and the RA's about my job. It was implied that she meant the serious, heart wrenching stuff, but she was mainly referring to the almost daily, hilarous things my kids say and do. People think children with autism have an impaired sense of humor, but far from it. For example, one of my kids in the midst of a full throttle tantrum, kept screaming at me "Miss Carly, I WANT TO HAVE A BABY!!!" Then there's the little boy who yells "atomic wedgie!!!" in the middle of class, and the other one who re-enacts the entire dancing scene from Spiderman 3 including dipping his partner who happened to be his sister. And how could I forget the story one mom told me about her son yelling from the bathroom at a family gathering "I am Batman, and I am pooping!" On the more serious side of things, there's the moments where they first say your name, or actually look at you instead of through you. The first time they hug their mom. The first time their tense bodies relax in your arms instead of fighting your touches. The first time they try to make conversation with you or someone else or try to imitate a word. The first time they kiss you. I will never forget the first time one kid finally said my name after working with him for nearly six months, or the first time my little friend, Noah Winkle, and I prayed together and he said "Amen" at the end. It was priceless, and it's moments like that that you want to share with everyone!
My experiences in the world of autism have greatly influenced my graduate studies as well. I am in year three of chipping away at my Master's in Biblical Counseling, and I'm seeing the end coming up as I begin work on my thesis. Several people at my church (Placerita Baptist) found out what I did for a living, and introduced me to a family in our church who have an 8 year old son with Autism. It's a long story that I'll save for later, but the end result is that I've had the honor of working one on one with their son, Noah, in our Sunday School program. My growing relationship with Noah and his parents, Jack and Julie Winkle, got me thinking about the need for discipleship of children who have developmental disabilities like Autism. It seemed that the Winkles were not the only ones asking this question, all the families I worked with had this same dilemma. My thesis project took a much different turn than I anticipated, and I am now writing my thesis on "The Spiritual Development and Discipleship of Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder" (that's the title of the day, it changes almost weekly. If you have any other suggestions for titles, please send them to me!). For the past three years, my life was all about Africa, and my goal was to get through school as fast as possible so I could get out and go back. I didn't really want to put roots down here in suburban central of Santa Clarita, but God knew I needed to. It's going to hurt when I finally do leave, but thank God for the deep love that came before that pain of leaving. Have you truly loved at all if there's no pain when you leave? Now I'm thinking of ways to combine my work with children with disabilites with the work I'm doing or have done in Africa.
On the Africa front, I have not given up on going back. In spite of the wonderful life God has given me here, I love the life He has given me over there as well and I know that both are united in His eyes. This is scary for me to write, because like I said before, when you write something for the world to see, you have to at least work on following through with it. The big news is that I'm working towards moving back to Uganda for a year, and hoping to do that this coming December/January. My friend, Rashid Luswa, at Bethel Covenant College in Entebbe, Uganda has graciously offered me a teaching/counseling job anytime I want to take up the offer. Living over there for a year would give me so many oppurtunities including researching how to use my autism training over there. In agreement with my family and friends, I am looking for a partner to go over with me. So spread the word, and if you're interested contact me ASAP! Don't think you're skills won't be valuable! Trust me, we need all imaginable skills and gifts. If you're knowledge is in entymology or you majored in the enigma known as communications, we can most assuredly find much needed work and ministry for you to do.
So that's the summary of life in the past six months, and I am excited to blog about continuing developments and the funny interludes of daily life. Mambo Sawa, Sawa!

Back in the Burbs

2007-08-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

In the past year, my parents and I have had several cases where people thought I was living in Africa. Just to let you all know, not only have I been living in the California burbs for the past year, but I am also officially back from our July trip to Uganda. I am not wearing ankle length skirts with my hair in dreadlocks viciously hunting down jiggers. I am back in the states with my flip flops and baseball cap doggedly fighting traffic on the 405 freeway. Sorry for all the confusion!

In other news, I look forward to devoting more time this year to my much neglected blog. Look forward to lots of exciting descriptions of my fearless attempts to not become completely suburbanized (although I did just spend the past two summers in the African suburbs right across the road from a new housing development). Thank you once again to everyone who has been faithfully supporting us in prayer, finances, malaria medication, and other innumerable ways. I would especially like to thank my mother who is still calling me everyday to see if I'm taking my malaria medication. Love you, Mamma Payne!

A Tribute to JD and His Family

2007-08-04T16:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, the title of this blog is a little misleading. It makes it sound as if JD and his family are no longer in this world, but let me assure you JD is a very much alive three year old who I have had the privilge of hanging out with nearly 18 hours a week in my job. It's a lot to have a stranger in your home for over 18 hours a week, and JD's family has welcomed me with open arms (JD was more than a little wary at first, but after 6 months and 500 times of singing "Five Little Monkies" I won him over). Over the past 9 months, JD and I have bonded as evidenced by the fact that we have started copying each other's habits. For instance, I have lost my ability to say goodbye like an adult. Instead, I say "bye bye" while opening and closing my hand like a cute little kid. While its adorable in JD, it's not so cute in a 23 year old grad student. I found myself doing this in Uganda, but fortunately being white already makes me a traveling freak show. As to the habits JD's picked up from me, we hope that they're all good, but I apologize to his family in advance for any bad ones that snuck in there ;) I truly pray that he does not start snorting when he laughs.

Anyways, this blog is devoted to JD and his family, for the very reason that all my time with them really was the best preparation I could have had for this last trip to Uganda. It was not uncommon for us to walk into a classroom simply to "observe" and have the delighted teacher turn the entire class over to us. "Feel free" they would tell us, then we would turn and see about 50 pairs of eyes gazing at us. No where to run, no where to hide. I'm sorry, but as much as I love Lion King, Hakuna Matata just does not cut it in this scenario. My life began to flash before my eyes, and fortunately part of those flashbacks was all of the time JD and I spent together. JD is a tough and critical audience when it comes to being appreciative of the higher art of preschool song and play. He makes me work harder than actors and actresses have to work to get their Oscar's. I mean, they have months to prepare, and they can go back and refilm scenes. Not so with Mr. JD. He demands perfection the first time, and one chance is all you get. Okay, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but somedays it is that way, and then I have to rely on the magic of Pringles chips to win him over. But alas I did not have the magic Pringles with me, and even if I did free junk food is a good way to start a riot among children and I really did want to come home with all my limbs intact. But as I was saying about the flashbacks, JD's glowing face and golden hair popped into my head. JD's parents are the most amazing parents ever in that they are totally okay with him jumping on his bed, something I am still bitter with my parents about not letting me do. Well, JD and I spent many a wonderful afternoon singing "Five Little Monkies" as he jumped on his bed. The climax came when he would jump as high he could and come down knees first on my stomach. Miss Carly getting hurt and having the wind knocked out of her never failed to bring down the house with Mr. JD. Well, sadly, Five Little Monkies Jumping on the Bed began to lose it's appeal after the 1,000th rendition, so one of my co-workers taught JD another popular monkey song involving monkies getting snatched out of trees by sneaky alligators. Violence always appeals to little boys. Well, I figured that if alligators eating monkies and falling off of beds was enjoyable to JD, then these kids would find it thrilling as well. So without further ado, I snapped out of my flashback and launched into a very spirited reenactment of alligators visciously snapping monkies out of trees, and........... they loved every minute of it! Actually, the teachers loved it more than the students, and begged me to write the lyrics down for them. The historical moment was well doccumented and photographed by Brooke Vincent, as seen in the above pictures. So JD, thank you for all your tough criticisms and evaluations. It had me in a tears a couple of times, but you made me a better person for it and thanks to you, some little child is teaching the song to their very concerned parents. To JD's family, I love and miss you all, and look forward to many more moments of jumping monkies and sneaky alligators.

"All We Will Get is Mercy" (John Piper)

2007-08-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

When you're traveling, you value your unwinding time. In Africa, that time is hard to come by. First of all, its not like you can go to the local coffee shop and blend in. Plus, walking to the local coffee shop, if there was indeed one, would be fraught with danger as your chances of getting hit by an overzealous taxi driver are pretty high. A white person walking down the road is likely to cause an impromptu parade which the local coffee shop doesn't really appreciate. More importantly, Ugandans don't really see the need for “alone” time. If you're alone, you must be in a need of a companion, and they will do everything within their power to fix that problem for you. Brooke Vincent and I were savoring some much needed unwinding time one day, when some students from the local high school spotted us as they were walking by. Seeing our need for companionship, they made their way over to greet us. We had met these two boys, Andrew and Joseph, in a bible study that a local American missionary was running at the school. After chatting for a couple minutes, Andrew began telling us about a friend from school that they were planning on visiting the next day. Unlike the majority of the students at the high school, Andrew's friend was a day student who was renting a room in another village. He alluded to the fact that he wanted us to go, but he feared that we would be unable to handle the walk down the road. Brooke and I chafed under the assumption that we were fragile flowers, so we asked if we could accompany them. The entire week Brooke and I had been complaining about how no one would allow us to do anything physical for fear that we would faint or wither away. What was indeed hospitality on the part of the Ugandans had become a source of irritation to our pride. We accepted the invitation not primarily as a chance to show compassion, but as a chance to prove that we would not faint under a little physical exertion. We felt that the reputation of American stamina and endurance rested upon our shoulders, and we had a duty to correct this very wrong stereotype. The mosquitoes began an intense assault upon our persons, so we agreed to call it a night and meet the next day after church.
The following day, we strapped tennis shoes onto our feet and put our game faces on. Mamma Payne had decided to accompany us and aid our selfless efforts to correct the stereotype of American females. “Exactly how far is it, Andrew?” Mamma Payne inquired. “Oh, just down the road,” said Andrew in the typical vague African manner. Us women raised our eyebrows at each other, and gave each other a confident smile that said “We'll show these kids what we're made of.” Well, nearly four miles, one mammoth hill, a couple of heart attacks, and three very red, sweaty faces later, we had made it “down the road.”Our pride had suffered its death blow when the boys had humbly helped us down the mammoth hill and pulled us up off the ground when we had fallen more than once. Now that the issue of our pride was a moot point, we were able to focus on listening to the life stories of our three high school escorts. As we limped down the road, I had the honor of Andrew as my partner. Andrew revealed to me that he had been raised in an orphanage although his mother was still alive. He had spent most of his childhood moving around to various relatives until he had reached a point where he was forced to be on his own. He begin to recount to me how he had providentially been introduced to the sponsor of the orphanage by his cousin, and had been taken in by this gracious man. I have heard many moving stories from the youth of Uganda, but Andrew's story stood out to me more than any other. Most would say Andrew had been saved by his own fierce determination, but Andrew did not see it that way. He treated his story as a testimony. It was not a testimony of grief or sorrow, but of God's abundant grace and goodness to him! Andrew's witness to God's provision and mercy was the context for his friendship with the boy we were going to visit. Several months prior, an 18 year old student had arrived at the school, and word had been circulating about the student's inability to purchase a school uniform or the basic supplies. He had moved by himself to the area from Northern Uganda, and had left behind his younger siblings, all under the age of 16. With no parents or job, he had somehow gotten himself enrolled at Bethel Covenant, the high school we were working at. Everyday, he had to walk four miles to school. This left little time to study, and no time for a job with which he could pay for rent and food. Recently, he had been missing a lot of school due to the fact that he was too weak to make the hike, for he had no food. It was truly remarkable that students were talking about his situation, because nearly every student at the high school had difficulty paying the school fees. This student had to be in dire need if it was big news on the school gossip chain. What was even more significant than the fact that others were talking about this student was Andrew's response to the news. Most students were shrugging their shoulders at the news. Who could blame them? They were all in the same boat themselves, and everybody had some pressing need. In Uganda, life is about daily survival, and daily survival often means that you look out for yourself alone. Andrew defied this with his response to the boy's plight. Andrew sought the boy out, and provided him with the necessary school supplies. Then, Andrew not only paid the boys school fees out of his own pocket, but he also approached the school director and convinced him to lower the fees for this particular boy. With a quiet leadership, Andrew begin to rally other students around the boy, and more by his example than his words others began to give to the boy out of their own meager resources. Andrew did not tell me the story of the friendship in its entirety, for he shied away from talking about himself. The only parts he told me about his friendship with this boy were the ones where was able to give glory to God about being able to provide for another's needs. Andrew lived his life solely based on the belief that you give mercy, because that is what you yourself live by every single day; the mercy of an almighty Father God. In the following week, we were able to piece together more of the story as we talked to various staff and students. In addition to everything else he had already done for the boy, Andrew had given him his own school trousers and the foam mattress from his own bed. His reason for giving the mattress away was enlightening and simple, “I was too comfortable.” In Andrew's mind, he was doing nothing extraordinary. Andrew was simply living as life is meant to be lived, and he was simply giving of the divine mercy that had already been given to him. Andrew functioned on the fundamental belief that he did not deserve any of the blessings that had been given to him, and that is why he was able to give mercy and compassion so freely to others.
The talk with Andrew made me forget about my own physical discomfort for the time being, and he pointed out his friend walking towards us on the long, red dirt road. We were shyly greeted by a tall, graceful boy who introduced himself as, Stephen. Andrew had sent a message that only he was coming, and Stephen was not prepared for the entourage now consisting of six people and half a dozen local children who had designated themselves as our traveling parade. Our entourage made quite a scene as we ambled into Stephen's village. Heads popped out of doorways, children gawked, and all work seemed to cease. The only one's unperturbed by our grand entrance were the chickens and roosters who continued to ruthlessly hunt down insects and pieces of floating cardboard. In Africa, if you want alone time, it can best be found among the animals, for they could care less about the color of your skin or the fact that you speak with an unintelligible, Yankee accent. They only understand one language, the language of food. As the local wildlife went about their business, we crammed ourselves into Stephen's rented room in a mud hut condo. With my knees and arms folded and tucked into narrow spaces, I found myself once again distracted by my physical discomfort. I couldn't feel my feet, I was trying to keep my skirt tucked in, and I was desperately trying not to let my mind dwell on the inevitable presence of creepy crawly African insects on that floor. Andrew's soft voice broke through my inner struggle, “Stephen, we've come to encourage you brother.” Stephen acknowledged Andrew's remark with a smile and a small bow of the head. Then, grasping his forearm with his hand in the traditional manner, he kneeled before each of us and offered his hand in gratitude to each of us. I think, its safe to say that all of us women, felt like weeping in that moment, for Stephen in his own way was showing us mercy as he tenderly greeted each one of us. For the next hour, we read Scripture, told Stephen how God's promises applied to Him, listened to his story, and prayed over him. I had come into that room with something to prove. I was strong, I was capable, I was a good person, I was the one who could fix everything. God knows we probably all had an agenda coming into that home. Sitting in that room, I finally begin to realize the truth of a statement I had read over a year ago, “All we will get is mercy...the fullest obedience and the smallest faith obtain the same thing from God: mercy.” Mercy does not have an agenda. Mercy does not need to prove itself. Lamentations 3:22-23 provides one of the best summaries of mercy, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.” Mercy knows that its ultimate source is divine, and mercy also understands that it is undeserving. I had come to prove among other things that I was merciful person, but Andrew and his friends had come in humility to rejoice in the divine mercy that allowed them to be with Stephen both in his time of need and in his time of plenty. I had come to prove that I was worthy of the label of a good missionary, but this pride can not exist alongside pure mercy. I walked into that room with empty hands and an even emptier heart, because of this false mercy that I cherished in my heart. In order to give the purest form of mercy, you have to acknowledge and function off of the belief that you only live because of divine mercy. True mercy can not be given until one acknowledges the divine mercy that is the foundation for everything that we are and do. “So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.” (Romans 9:16)

Picture 1- Our Bible Study group at Bethel Covenant led by the tall white man, Scott Brinkerhoff

Picture 2- me, Andrew, and Brooke Vincent

Picture 3- Dad Payne, Stephen, and Mamma Payne

Update

2007-07-21T03:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who has been checking this blog in hopes of an update, and I hope some of you are still reading this! We finally made it to an internet cafe. Anyways, we made it to Uganda last Friday, and have spent the first week reuniting with old friends and observing some new ministries. Dad has spent almost all of his time faithfully slaving away in the computer lab at Bethel Covenant. The school has had a few problems with the lab, but the good news is that it's still working and most of the problems can be fixed. The biggest problem he is faced with is fixing the server and protecting it from the very unstable electricity here. He is meeting with an Ugandan electrician tomorrow to find out what can be done with regards to the electricity problem. Since us girls are no help with the computers, we have been spending most of our times at various schools. One of our favorite schools by far was a "tree school" where the students conduct all of their classes outside under trees. They sit on logs and old boards, and when it rains 200 children crowd into the school's one "building." The building consists of three walls, a leaky roof, and no actual doors or window coverings. It was very moving, to say the least. Brooke and I have also been able to particpate in a daily student Bible Study that takes place at Bethel Covenant High School. It is led by an American missionary, Scott Brinkerhoff, and has about ten students. The first day we were there, it was all boys, but Brooke and I bribed a few girls with the promise of candy. Brooke and I have found that giving stuff away is a great icebreaker as well as a good way to start a mob ;) We will be spending the next week at Bethel Covenant and Bethel Junior doing counseling with various students and taking part in a three day Bible Conference that is being led by another American missions team.
We are all in good health, no malaria, worms, or other jungle diseases to report. However, Momma Payne did have a run in with some Ugandan wildlife. We were taking a shortcut from Bethel High school that took us by a small herd of cows. One cow had planted herslef in the middle of the path, so I went around her first. Brooke followed me, and actually patted the cow on the head. Well, Mamma Payne must have been the last straw for this poor cow, because she turned, butted mom in the hip, and threw her to the ground. Momma Payne is fine with only a bruised ego to report. That is all there is time for, but we thank you all again for your prayers and look forward to at least one more update before we leave Uganda. Sola Bulungi!

Uganda 2007

2007-07-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

This lazy blogger is re-entering the blogging world, which I'm sure didn't miss me, to update friends and family on my family's 2007 trip to Uganda. This year, myself, my parents, and our friend, Brooke Vincent will be returning to Bethel Covenant College in Entebbe, Uganda. My Dad has the exciting oppurtunity to expand and upgrade the computer lab he installed last year. We are also taking over eleven laptops to add to the fifteen we brought on our previous trip. In addition, we are taking over some new Bible software that will give the students access to some wonderful Bible study resources. Although the computers are an important part of our trip, they are not the primary reason we are going over. The computers are just one of several resources we use to create oppurtutnities to interact with both teachers and students. While we are excited about giving the students access to educational resources they would not have otherwise, our main hope is that the Bible software would feed the thirsty souls and minds of the staff and students.
While we are there with the students, we hope to do what Bible software can't do, and that is to simply love on the students by just spending time listening, praying, counseling, and just having fun living life with them. I (Carly) am also hoping that they will teach me a couple dance moves that will make me the envy of all my friends, and wow the crowds back home ;) As anyone close to me can tell you, ever since I came back from my first trip in 2004, I have been working on my African "shake, rattle, and roll" ;).
Dancing aside, we want to thank everyone who has been supporting and encouraging our team. So many people have slipped money into our hands, written us encouraging letters, donated supplies, prayed for us, patiently endured looking at our 5 million pictures from our last trip.... We couldn't do any of this without all of you, and you all have truly been Christ to us. Please continue praying for us as we are over there from July 11-July 29. I will try to update this blog as often as possible with prayer requests, highlights, embarrasing team moments etc.

I Give Up...

2006-09-04T22:40:00.000-07:00

After many, many attempts at posting my pictures to this blog, I finally gave up! For one, I couldn't choose which ones to put up, and second, it was a complicated nightmare! So I'm now posting my Africa pictures here http://photos.yahoo.com/carlychiquita for your viewing pleasure. I will keep updating the albums, so keep checking back and enjoy!

The Submarine Has Surfaced

2006-09-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

The submarine has finally come above water... Sorry, faithful readers, I did go underwater for awhile. I took some time away from the blog to gather my thoughts about all of my experiences in Africa, and how the Lord wants to use them. And to be completely honest with all of you, the Lord took me through a bit of a valley of uncertainity, fear, and doubt, but now the fog has lifted and the joy is deeper after having been through the darkness.

To give you all a brief personal update, plans to return to Uganda for full time ministry are becoming more concrete! I am actually looking towards returning to Uganda next December to do both my counseling internship and thesis for my graduate program at The Master's College. With a lot of prayer and planning, my new home, for at least a year, would be at SOS Ministries with the awesome and amazing Hurley family.

I struggled over whether to share these things with you, as so often God changes our plans. I was afraid of losing face if the plans don't go through, but the Lord reminded me how powerful the prayers of His church are. If it is in His will for me to return to Uganda, He will use yours prayers to get me there (or keep me here!), and all of this is not about me saving face or preserving an image. So forgive me for not keeping you in the loop, and worrying more about me rather than what God wants to accomplish through us as His body.

In other news, I'm slowly, but surely figuring out how to post pictures to this blog. I think this blog is the closest I'll ever get to my pipe dream of being a photojournalist, so I hope you enjoy the pictures and posts as much as I enjoy putting them together!

Demystifying the Computer in Africa

2006-08-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

Several years before my parents and I were introduced to Rashid Luswa, he set down his vision for a Christian school that would offer a high caliber, competitive education. There is no shortage of schools in Uganda, but excellent, competitive schools are hard to come by and Rashid knew this. He did not just want a school that survived. Rashid envisioned a school that would allow students to accomplish this visionary, God centered mission,

"Bethel Covenant High School would therefore be envisioned as a place of rest for the weary soul, a place where worshiping and glorifying the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob would take preeminence, and a place where young people would be helped to develop their God given potential... The school's mission: To develop men (students) into the most honorable and responsible citizens, by equipping them with the highest standard of practical education, by God's Grace (Rashid Luswa http://www.ugandamission.net/orphan/bethel/bethel.html)."

In order to attain this standard of education , Rashid knew that computers would have to be an integral part of Bethel's system, so in his proposal he included plans for a computer lab.

"Though we are living in the IT age, yet in many ways, Africa is still in the subsistence, pred-industrial age. The computer still mesmerizes many as the "wise machine." At Bethel Covenant High School we intend to install a great leap forward by introducing a computer lab with sixty computers (one per ten students), as well as introducing students to the Internet (Rashid Luswa http://www.ugandamission.net/orphan/bethel/bethel.html)

Halfway around the world, my dad was reading Rashid's vision on the internet, and the Holy Spirit began growing the seeds of a grand project in my dad's mind. My dad had met Rashid in July 2005 while visiting me in Uganda, and Rashid's perseverance, vision, and energy had left quite an impression on him. When he returned home, he did what we all do when we want more information on a person, he googled Rashid and ran across the proposal and vision for Bethel Covenant. One year after his first introduction to Rashid, my dad and mom had the great privilege and joy of being the channels of God's grace to Rashid by gifting him with several laptop computers and a server that are the humble yet significant beginnings of Bethel's first computer network/lab.

Many obstacles were overcome in the installation of this lab. To name a few: unreliable electricity due to mandatory, government regulated blackouts, several broken but fixable computers, time consuming construction on the room housing the new computers, the usual cross-cultural miscommunications, and human error and sin nature ;) Overcoming these obstacles just made it more evident that the success of this project was entirely due to the Lord's grace and mercy. If it was easy, we wouldn't have learned some of the great lessons about God's faithfulness that we did. But it wasn't all about overcoming obstacles. We were also overwhelmed by God's grace to us in the form of a $2,000 server that was donated in addition to several other generous donations/discounts given to us by kind supporters. I have no profound words to express my thoughts about God's goodness in all this, so I leave it to the great Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs to say it for me:

"We never consider that God can open the eyes of the blind with clay and spittle, he can work above, beyond, and even contrary to means. He often makes the fairest flowers of man's endeavours to wither and brings improbable things to pass, in order thatthe glory of the undertaking may be given to himself (The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment pg. 24)."

So we are thankful for the success of the first phase of the computer lab., and we are content with what was accomplished but we are also looking ahead to the future. The computers are there, and the students have access to many texts and programs that were previously unavailabe to them, but we are praying to expand the impact of the computer lab. An integral part of the vision, is that the computers would become a tool that would help the students in their understanding of the Bible and consequently their relationship with the Lord. We are praying about obtaining a good inductive Bible study program that would help not only the students, but also the staff in their understanding of God's word. Secondly, Bethel still does not have internet access, and the high cost of internet in Africa would be a heavy drain on Bethel's already limited resources. Finally, there is still alot more training of the staff that needs to be done. Right now, my parents are praying about a return trip later this year, so that they can spend time doing intensive training and brainstorming with the staff. My dad would also be very interested in taking more people with him on his return trip, so if you have any technological skills and a love for the Lord please contact me through this blog and I'll put you in touch with him. Also take the time to check out his website which has a lot of pictures of the new computer lab. www.oldendays.us/africa.

Home

2006-08-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

We are back in the United States! I hesitated to write that we're "home", because God has begun to refine my definition of what home is. The popular saying goes that "Home is where the heart is." When I'm in California, my heart is yearning to be in Uganda, and when I'm in Uganda, there are time that my heart longs for nothing more than the security and normalcy of my home in the U.S. It is a constant tension and battle of learning that contentment is not dictated by circumstances or location. One morning in Uganda I had an epiphany about home and contentment, thanks to the host at our guest house, Dr. Henry Krabbendam. He was delivering his usual morning monologue (everything even his jokes end up in some sort of pointed, convicting sermon, he always leaves you with food for thought) when he made a statement that resulted in the light coming on over my head. "Christ is the only comfort zone we are allowed to have." Dr. K. delivered many other poignant quotable quotes during my time with him, but this one in particular has been hammering away at my "tortured soul" for the past week and a half. In essence, this quote has become the theme of my time in Uganda, and this one statement has been starting a revolution in my mind which I pray carries over into my actions. While God has gifted me with a wonderful, secure home here in California, that is not my ultimate security or refuge. If God took that security away, I would still have a home, and it is one more solid and real than any physical structure or geographical location that I may refer to as "home." So if home is where the heart is, then my true home is in the person of Christ.

This is just one many ongoing lessons from my time in Uganda, and I look forward to sharing more of them with you as I continue to debrief from the trip. In addition, I'm also very excited to start posting pictures and more in length descriptions of some of the projects we were able to be a part of while we were there. For the next blog, look forward to a summary and pictures of the computer lab. that my parents were able to set up at Bethel Covenant College. My hope is that these blogs will inspire some of you and give you food for thought about how God can use your particular skills, gifts, and talents in places like Uganda or here at home. I know that many of you have great ideas concerning ministry projects in Africa and around the world, so please feel free to interact with these blogs and start brainstorming about the possibilities. Who knows, maybe this blog will be the beginning of creating a missions team for next summer...

Christ is Our Only Comfort Zone

2006-07-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

Hey friends and family! Just a quick update to say that I am no longer at SOS Ministries with the Hurley's as they are now on vacation, but I am now in Entebbe with my parents and will be until we leave on Sunday for home. Having a blast hanging out with my parents, the three American missions teams that our staying at our guesthouse, and my best friend from home, Bekita! I've been able to spend some time at Bethel Covenant College (where my parents are at) just getting to know the highschool students and give them encouragement, advice, and prayer. Also having the chance to meet some incredible people doing ministry in Uganda from Americans, to Europeans to Ugandan nationals. It's absolutely amazing to see all the people God is using here! In a very random dinner last night, we got to meet and have conversation with Uganda's Minister of Finance and his wife who has an orphanage school!

In other news, the computer network is getting off the ground, and my dad is feeling very encouraged. So as I'm in an internet cafe, I must cut this short, but thank you again for your prayers and messages!

Adventures and Experiences

2006-07-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

In my efforts to become more Ugandan, I took a huge leap in my cross cultural adventures.... I rode a boda side saddle in a skirt! Not only that, I got to do this while off-roading on the dirt path that leads to SOS! Hold on your to purse, clutch your hat, try not to get your skirt caught, hold on to the seat, try not to lose a foot as you scrape past a cattle lorry, and maintain your Queen of the Rose Parade composure and wave. Another thing checked off my list.

Anyways, apart from boda adventures, I had the opportunity of a lifetime yesterday. As many of you know, I work as an aid in a special ed. class, and I've been very interested to see what a special ed. class in Uganda looks like. From what I've read and the little I've seen firsthand, most children and adults with physical or mental disabilities in third world countries are condemned to the life of a beggar. Often, they are seen as bewitched or cursed and are often abandoned, so it was a wonderful surprise to me that there was a special needs program for children just down the road from us! I spent most of the day in a class of 8 children, most with mental disabilities, teaching them how to write numbers and letters in English. They, in turn, took it upon themselves to teach me how to count in Lugandan! The rest of the day was spent talking with the staff and hanging out with the school's deaf population which is about 50 children ranging from preschool age to high school. My friend, Kelly, and I discovered that it was actually easier to carry on conversations with the deaf children than with their hearing peers! Sign language is pretty universal, and these kids pick up on body language so well that we were able to have some pretty entertaining conversations! They even assigned me a name sign! Since the teachers obviously can't call the students by name, they let the students assign each other a unique sign that stands for their name. Usually, the students pick some outstanding physical characteristic and just point to it. For example, one kid apparently got caught picking his nose, so now he is stuck with the name sign of having a finger up the nose! Hilarious, I know. Fortunately, I got assigned a pretty nice one. The kids would smile and then point to a spot right under their eye where I get a dimple when I smile. Not too bad! Spending time at this school has been one of the top five highlights for me on this trip, and I am praying that I will be able to start up a relationship with the staff at the school and have a consistent ministry there when (not if, when!) I return to Uganda.

Uganda and SOS feels more like home every day. I've kind of gotten myself into a routine here, and the orphans and the Hurley's kids feel like my own family now. I'm sorry I haven't been able to get more in depth into the specific lessons God has been teaching me, but I'm hoping to post two or three blogs on that when I return home to the U.S. and have had some time to let it settle in.

So before I go, there are a couple of personal messages! Nicholas Kaya, one of the SOS orphans, was standing here as I typed this, and charged me with the task of me sending his greetings to you all. Finally, a little personal update for Sam Neylan, Rose is doing amazing, and she broke out the nail polish you sent and she and the other girls were having a girl's impromptu spa night last night. She sends her love, and she is sending a drawing/letter home with me for you!

Update on my parents

2006-07-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates. Electricity here has been touch and go, because of government regulated blackouts. When you add those in with our usual unexpected power outages, it makes things pretty interesting! So here we go on a very, very quick update....

I finally talked to my parents last night, and they are doing very well. They discovered that four computers got damaged in transit, but we have a friend who will be visiting the school in September so we are planning on sending the fixed computers back with him. Four broken out of fifteen computers is not bad at all! We praise God they even made it over here at all! Setting up the network has been hard, because they are trying to make their newly constructed computer room more secure. More bars on the windows, more locks, extra walls, more barbed wire etc. This means that my Dad will not be able to accomplish everything he hoped to, but he has been able to spend more time ministering to the kids by teaching in their chapels and spending time with the teachers. With every drawback, comes another blessing! Please pray for him as he attempts to cram a two week computer project into a few short days. My mom has been enjoying hanging out with the students and teachers. In particular, she's been able to spend some time discipling a young girl, Sharon, who we brought a wheelchair over for last year. My parents both say that the Lord is teaching them many wonderful lessons which they are very excited to share about when they return. They are also stoked about their continued relationship with Bethel Covenant High School, and doing future ministry there.

The orphan research project I've been working on has been slowgoing, but if anything else its been teaching me the necessity of relying on the Holy Spirit and my inability to accomplish anything on my own strength and intelligence. Right now, we are just trying to sort through what information we do have, and creating a more thorough orphan information sheet that we can use to send to the U.S. sponsors. We have also had the awesome experience of delivering several U.S. sponsor letters to some of the kids, and helping them draw pictures and write letters to send back to their sponsors. The kids have been very excited about this, and take it very seriously! More about this later. Finally, we've been doing a lot of brainstorming about how to build up the relationships between the sponsors and the kids. Please pray for us as we try to begin implementing these ideas, and the numerous details that go into making these ideas a wonderful reality.

My last thought for this rambling update... I can not express how important your letters are to these kids. Even if you can't contribute financially to them, you can invest them even more by taking an interest in their lives, and being their pen pals. One of the ideas we've had is to begin a pen pal program, so please be praying with us about that. Thank you to all who have taken the time to write to these kids, and please, please continue.

Learning New rhythms

2006-07-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

As anyone who has traveled to another country knows, you often spend your first couple of days or weeks feeling like a newborn baby. You have to relearn everything! Your five senses are on overload and everything is overwhelming. The best example I can think of is learning how to negotiate the public transportation system in the capital city of Kampala. You have two options of public transportation here; taxi or the infamous bodas. The bodas are motorcycle taxis, and they are driven by men who don't seem afraid of losing life or limb. After haggling with the boda driver (who automatically doubles the price when he sees that you're a naive mzungu), you climb on the back of a piece of machinery somewhat resembling a motorcycle, and you hold on for dear life as you go careening through the streets at 45mph ducking in between cars, taxis, pedestrians, and man eating potholes. Next, there are the taxi's. Taxis here are vans which usually cram anywhere from 10-20 people in them in addition to the occasional bunch of chickens and multiple bags of produce. You have no way of telling where the taxi is going except for the taxi conductor who's job it is to hang part way out the window yelling their destination and hitting the sides of cars that are in their way. It's also important to know that as a pedestrian, you have no rights here. You are simply a speed bump in the road, and the taxi drivers will not think of twice of running you over. According to my lovely cohort, Sarah Vernell Dyer, the best way to cross the street is to flail your arms and pretend you're demon possessed. All that to say that every form of travel, even walking, is an adventure here. Seriously though, learning the rhythms of Ugandan life is an awesome experience, because you truly learn what it means to be completely dependent on God, our great Provider and Protector. I didn't realize how much I love my independence and freedom that I have back home. I can climb in my car, go anywhere I want, I know where everything is, I can communicate clearly with everyone. I so often take this for granted, and this often leads to me thinking I am self-sufficient. Being here for a week has been a powerful reminder that as a created being, I am completely dependent on my creator for every aspect of my life.
The other rhythms I have been enjoying is that of the orphans who live on the SOS property. Every night, they sing worship songs as part of their bedtime routine, but let me tell you this is no quiet, soft, sleepy singing. This is singing at the top of your lungs uninhibited and free, hands clapping, drums pounding, hips shaking worship. Whenever I see these kids singing or playing on the property, I am always reminded that the joy the Lord provides is not dictated by life circumstances. Honestly, I do not pity these kids, and trust me they don't want pity. In fact, I envy them for their simply faith and joy. There is nothing quite like the innocent trust of a child, and it teaches me so much about my own faith as I observe and interact with them.
On Monday, I begin working on researching the orphanage backgrounds. We will be interviewing both the orphans and their closest living relatives. Interviewing their relatives means my favorite thing.... Using Ugandan public transportation. We are hoping to take this information and post it on the SOS website, so that the orphans sponsors will be able to know details about their lives. Furthermore, we are also hoping to start correspondence between the orphans and their individual sponsors. So you can all be praying for us as we begin this process!
I have not heard from my parents about how their ministry is going, but I hope to hear from them in the next few days, so I will be sure to post an update on them soon! Thank you for all the comments on the blog. They are so enjoyable to read, and those little messages mean so much! Keep them coming, and if you have any questions feel free to post them and I'll do my best to answer them!

We've Arrived

2006-07-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you all know that we arrived safely in Uganda! A huge answer to prayer, we were over on our weight limits for several of the computer boxes we we're taking, but God gave us a very gracious airline employee who waived the fees for us. God has provided for us the entire trip, and we are so excited to see Him working.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2006-07-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well, its actually happening. Today, my family and I are leaving for Uganda, Africa to spend some time serving with our friends and family. It's amazing how God brought us to this point, and I still can't believe it's actually happening. God gave me the most generous and loving parents, I must say. They came out to Uganda to show their support for me last year, and that one trip has evolved into a family passion. God has really used our experiences in Africa to bring us together as a family, and I can't begin to express how much it has meant to me to have my family serve alongside me.

So this time my parents will be using their skills as educators to serve our friends and family at Bethel Covenant High School in Uganda. My dad will be using his technical wizardy to set up a 15 computer network for the students, and my mom (when she's not busy preventing my dad from throwing the computers off a cliff) will be helping out the staff at Bethel House, an orphanage associated with the school. The computer network, when its done, will truly be an awesome blessing to the kids at the school. As many of you know, textbooks are extremely hard to come by in Africa, and the majority of the one's they do have are outdated. The hope is that these computers will be able to open up a whole new world to the kids with acess to free texts online. For instance, my dad was able to download almost every classical piece of literature ever written, so now the kids will be able to study books they never thought possible. Lots of exciting possibilities.

Meanwhile, I will be about 50 miles away from my parents in Mukono, Uganda working with the Hurley's at Sufficiency of Scripture ministries. They have an orphanage onsite, and I will probably be spending most of my time with the kids although with Shannon it's always a suprise! The awesome thing is that I get to return to the site of the first place I ever worked at in Africa, and serve with the Hurley's who God used to influence me towards ministry in Africa. It will be somewhat of a reunion/homecoming!

I don't know how much we'll be able to update this blog, but the hope is that we'll be able to keep in touch with friends and family from home with this blog. We'll do our best! Please be praying for us as we deal with taking 15 computers plus massive amounts of other technical equipment with us. Specifically, you could be praying that we would get generous airport staff who won't hassle us about the amount and weight of our equipment. Thank you to everyone who has been praying and supporting us this past year. We love you all, and we hope this blog gives you the ability to see your prayers being answered!